Whistful Wednesday

Hello all!



So I started this on Wednesday and here we are on Thursday! oops :-)

Well firstly, I have to send an early welcome to the world Finch! Today is the day he is going to grace us with his presence. He has some wonderful parents and an excited brother and sister. So congrats McCryssy on the blessed arrival!



So today... Today has been a wind down day for the little one and myself. We had a big holiday weekend and it didn't stop until yesterday. I had the best time with my family. This weekend I hosted my first family function at my house. I was completely nervous and worried that something would go wrong with the food I was preparing or maybe the house wouldn't be ready or maybe Aska would give me some major grief. Well the worrying was all for naught. The house came together and there was plenty of room for everyone and it was still nice and cozy, Aska cooperated as best she could and even was mommy's little helper :-) and the food, well the food turned out terrific. The peach cobbler was sweet and delicious, the spaghetti was yummy, the bratwursts and hot dogs and sausages were juicy and the ribs were tender and oh so good. I don't mean to toot my own horn but, toot toot! I was sooo tired at the end of the day, I don't think I'll be doing that again anytime soon but I was really impressed with myself. I planned and timed everything out so by 3pm Aska and I were showered and changed and waiting for our guests to arrive.


I really did enjoy being able to have my family in my home it really made it feel all the more like my place. I'm feeling more and more grown up with each passing milestone.

So I guess that is all for now. The hubby and I are really trying to reconnect and find some of what we were before we were parents. It'll come I'm sure. But for now we're starting out with family days and movie nights. I guess at some point we'll get back to full blown date nights!

Some Reflections

First off I have to thank McCryssy for the wonderful sunshine award. I will have to go about the business of fulfulling those requirements at a later time. But for now, on to the blogging.

It's been some time since my last post but I am happy to write again. It's so hard to find free time to really write a substantial blog. Right now the newest little performer in our circus is demanding much of my time. While I knew that motherhood would be a full time job and would be incredibly demanding, I was blissfully unaware of how completely all consuming it truly is. I am now terrible at returning phone calls and remembering to follow through on visits. Really by the time I get myself together so that I can actually do something I am later than I would like and it's close to either bedtime or naptime. Whew, what a hectic schedule.

Today, I did feel rather accomplished because I was able to finish multiple loads of laundry and fix a complete meal for myself for dinner. Why I cook so much is beyond me. I'm usually the only one around for dinner :-(

I'm trying to find that balance between motherhood and being a wife and it's really hard. I'm constantly upset with my husband because I often feel like I am alone in many of the household chores. This week he's taking an overnight fishing trip with his friends and it is taking everything I have not to disable his car so that he can't go. This will be the first time that I will be completely alone overnight with the baby. Needless to say I am a bit overwhelmed and the thought of the upcoming trip. I'm also very resentful. I resent the fact that my husband sees no problem with leaving me alone with our small child. While I am currently a stay at home mom, I rely on him to come home and give me that small respite so that I can finish a chore or take a breather or just get a quick shower. I also rely on him to give me some much needed adult contact. I don't think that he completly understands that I am very alone during the day when I am with the baby. It's hard to get him to grasp that.

Also, I never realized what an undertaking breastfeeding would be. Right now I'm going strong at three months but I find it difficult to not just throw in the towel and just completely formula feed. I didn't know how much of a commitment of my time it would be. I didn't know that breastfed babies are hungrier more often that formula fed babies. While I love the feelings of attachment that it is helping to foster, it also puts me at a disadvantage because sometimes the only person that can soothe my little one is me. I love that it makes me feel needed but it also drains me. I am in desperate need of a recharge.

While this blog tonight has been cathartic, I have to end it here. There is so much more that I have realized on this journey that I have embarked upon. I am taking it day by day and growing stronger slowly but surely.

I thank God for my life and for all of the performers in this little circus of ours.

A New Performer Enters the Ring...

So, everyone meet Aska! She couldn't wait to be here with all of us so she rushed on out. She was a whole 4 weeks early. This lets me know the child is not quite like her mom because I have a serious aversion to actually being early, ha! She bounced on in at a whopping 5lbs 5ozs (although she was only 4lbs 14ozs when she came home). Both mommy and baby had to be residents of the hospital for a few days. Me because I had high blood pressure that forced an emergency c-section and her because she was small and early and was somewhat affected by the drugs mommy was on. Thankfully she came through swimmingly. Then unfortunately I had to deal with an epidural headache, a complication of my epidural, and required a second procedure. Once that was completed I was right as rain :-)

The entire family was so excited that she was coming. She is the first girl born in 27 years on my mom's side and 16 years on my dad's. Everyone has been waiting on a little girl. They are already starting to spoil her and me, at least by proxy lol. I used to scoff at how many pictures parents would post of their children on various social networking sites and email notifications. Now look who's calling the kettle black. Oh yeah, it's me, hahaha. I am never without a camera or a cute, at least I think it's cute, caption to illustrate a recent picture. I want to dress her in all of her little outfits just so I can take pictures of her in them. Although right now, they are all a little big on her. No worries, that just means she'll have longer to wear them, yay!

Being a mom is the hardest job I've ever done and I've just started. I'm constantly tired and sometimes just stressed but whenever I look into her little face I just know it's all worth it. I've made a few mommy mistakes already but I'm learning more every day. (I'll spill more on those mishaps at a later date) I never knew how much I would grow to love and cherish this little person. Everyday she makes me smile more and more. There is honestly nothing that I wouldn't do or not do just for her.

Well duty calls and I must answer. Thank you God for your abundant blessing, I can't help but love my life even more.

Terrific Tuesday

I went ahead and cut the grass myself today! I know there are tons of people out there who would balk at the idea of a woman who is 8 months pregnant cutting her own grass but, it was actually not that bad. The weather was cool and breezy so I never got to hot, I drank plenty of water and I took lots of breaks. I actually felt good while I was doing it, although I was trying to hide the fact that I was pregnant from my neighbors that were driving by, lol. Afterwards I was soooo hungry. I never thought I could be that hungry I scarfed down an Arby's value roast beef sandwich with cheddar, value fries, value dr. pepper and a medium sorbet from TCBY! All this in about 25 minutes! Whoa! I was still kind of hungry after I was done. I figure I spent a lot of calories today. I am contemplating texting the hubby and asking him to stop on his way home for some other type of food..... nah I'll make something :-)

I really did feel good after cleaning the yard, now the mowing wasn't that bad, raking up all of the grass clippings because we don't have a mower that bags, was for the birds, ugh! I think if I decide to have more kids I'll do a much better job of remaining active. I was far too lazy with this pregnancy. Next time, if there is a next time, I'm gonna be one of those mothers who continues to run and exercise and all that jazz.... we'll see ;-)

I think part of the reason that I felt so good taking care of the yard is because, I sat and thought about my husband and how hard he works to provide for us. He doesn't complain often and I really have it easy. I think when I did this I really felt like I was taking some of the load off of him. Isn't that what a wife is for anyway? To be a help mate and not a burden. I do appreciate everything that he does to keep us afloat. I'm really a lucky, strike that, blessed woman.

Well it's off to fix myself a late night snack, I'm thinking some kind of noodles.... As always, I'm thankful for my friends and family and my little one to come and I can't say it enough, but God I love my life!

Just a little "whine" this afternoon...

Usually I hate whiners, but today I am going to break my rule and whine a little today.

The thing that I am getting so irritated with while being pregnant is not being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. If you know me you know that I am impatient and like to be able to do things myself. Right now it is killing me not to go outside, fire up the lawnmower, and finish cutting the front yard myself! ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!! OMG, the first lawnmower we had quit when we tried to use it on wed halfway through cutting the front yard. Right now I have a large green patch in the middle of my front yard! So not cute :-( It's actually quite embarrassing. I think I am going to have to get my hubby up first thing Sunday and tell him, "It's grass cutting time!" I can't pull into my garage with any dignity for much longer.

It also killed me when I had to call my vertically blessed brother to come over and change light bulbs in my bedroom for me. My husband and I are not the tallest people you know. I come in at 5'4" and he towers over me at 5'8" (although I think it's closer to 5"6" but he won't let go of those two inches) We have a stepladder that can be used to reach most high things but the fan assembly in the bedroom, no such luck. Once while alone I contemplated placing a milk crate on the top step and using it to give me more height. Yes, yes I know that had Wyle E. Coyote written all over it but I assure you it was only a passing thought.

I want to paint the baby's bedroom before she gets here. I know that if I did and people ask me how it got done and I tell them I'll get lectures for days. Not on the list of things I want to listen to. I have all of this free time and currently some energy but not the ability to do it.

To add insult to injury I am a big time perfectionist and I want everything done my way. I do appreciate when people offer to help but usually I want to take over and do it my way because I'll usually end up going behind them and "fixing" it. This all sounds so ungrateful and believe me I am not ungrateful for the help in the least, it's just another one of my charming character flaws. I almost always think that I can do it better. Boy, I'm starting to sound like such a pleasant person.... oh well.

Well it's almost 4pm and I've enjoyed now 4 glasses of premium "whine". It's the only wine I don't feel guilty about indulging in while pregnant. I'll be happy to get back on the real stuff asap! I've got to run for now, I am going to top off the day with a sno cone and some Greek food. I've managed to avoid cleaning up after any of the animals today and as always, God I really do love my life!

Whew!

So yesterday was such a busy day I barely had time to breathe.

I was up early going to my sister's helping to get her grill dropped off, then back home to pick up the hubby and meet my cousin for an afternoon matinee, then off to dad's so that he and Damian could fix the lawnmower so that we could finally get this grass under control. I did however manage to pass out there for a few minutes :-) After finishing that I dropped the hubby off at home to cut our grass, then flew out to Collierville to pick up my friend's little boy CJ, I'll have to blog about him sometime, his antics are hilarious, then back to the 'Dova only to help with homework then go to Shelby Farms with CJ so he could play on the playground and not be stuck inside looking at either a computer or TV screen. After the park it was back home to fix dinner for myself and CJ. The poor hubby had to watch as we noshed on gourmet chicken nuggets, creamed corn and green beans ;-). After returning from the park got to see my freshly mowed yard... nope! The lawnmower quit working half-way through so we have cut borders and a nice tuft in the middle. Lovely. Add buy a lawnmower to the list for tomorrow :-( Finally 8:30! Now bedtime for CJ :-( never fun to encourage an 8 year old who doesn't necessarily want to go to bed and is looking for negotiations. Not here my friend this here is a dictatorship, ha! It wasn't that bad really. Now it should be bedtime for me right? Wrong! Sleep did not actually come until the wee hours around 2:30 or so....

I'm guessing this will be indicative of my life from here on out. Full of chores and things to do and people to take care of. I'm not quite sure if I'm completely ready but days like this help to prepare me. I will say it was actually kind of nice having to be busy and not feel like a useless lump on a log.

The weekend is looking pretty eventful as well. Greekfest is this weekend and my mom, sister, and I love to go and eat Greek food and enjoy the atmosphere. It was really nice when I lived literally right down the road from the church and could walk and did not have to worry with parking, I don't know what I am complaining about though, I never drive when I go anyway ;-) and I definitely wouldn't be walking all that way this year! Then it's Mother's Day! I'm really excited! It will be my first mother's day. I know I'm not a mom of a baby that's here yet but she's coming and I feel more and more like her mother every day. I'd like to enjoy the day simply hanging out with the Damian but it's a busy day at the restaurant so no such luck this Sunday :-( Also scheduled for this weekend, crib shopping! Yippee! I can't wait until the bed is all assembled and in her little room. I know I won't be saying this when all of the pieces are scattered on the floor and I'm trying to access my non existent engineering degree to read the schematics for assembly. Oh yeah, and tomorrow is fun times with Liz!!! Woo hoo I can't wait until I get to go visit her and Toby. Fun times :-)

Anyhoo, that's life for now. Jumping from one ring to the other taming tigers and coaxing performers on motorcycles through flaming hoops. Thank God for my life :-)

Monday...

Today's been a really blah day so far. Full of the everyday things that make life... well life. I closed out a pretty nice weekend yesterday when I went to the Umoja program at Mississippi Blvd Church. It was awesome! I was really moved by the African cultural references and the spiritual meaning behind the spirit of Umoja, which means unity. Unfortunately I got home and was reminded how far we have to go in that respect as human beings.

I love when I am able to be a support for my friends, but I hate it when the reason I have to be supportive is because a mutual friend doesn't respect that spirit. It started to bring me down thinking about how this person was acting, but then I remembered that the best thing that I can do for that person is to pray for them and hope they realize how they are hurting the ones they call friends.

This has been simultaneously one of the most blessed and most trying years of my life. I have truly been required to remember the power in prayer. There is only a month and a half left before I welcome the newest performer in this little circus I call a family and I can't wait to meet her. I'm getting more and more nervous as I realize the great responsibility that God has trusted me with in raising another one of his miracles. I can only hope and pray that I am up to the task.